Obsessively compulsive…

        Today has been a very tiring day.For the third time since morning my pet dog is in the mood for some fun, which includes jumping and rolling on the bed, throwing the pillows on the floor and watching me run out of patience! No, I don’t run out of patience because he is rolling on the bed, but because the pillows and cushions that I had arranged so well and at particular angles are all on the floor or strewn all over the bed. I can see the mischievous smile in his big,brown eyes and my heart melts. But, my mind…my mind is simply unable to take in the scene. The bed cover is also  messed up and it now has wrinkles on it!! Aah! All that hard work has gone to the dogs…..literally! But, for the sake of my little guy, I smile and tickle his tummy and get the sloppiest kiss ever! I then shoo him off the bed and get back to getting the bed in order….all over again…for the third time in two hours!
      Things in my house need to be in order….ORDER. And at particular angles, at set distance from each other. The door mat HAS to be at a right angle from the shoe rack, the dining chairs HAVE to be at an equi-distance from each other and the dining table, the towels HAVE to be hung in a specific style with the design on the front, the utensils on the kitchen platform HAVE to be at a certain spot, the clothes in the wardrobe HAVE to be hung or placed in a specific way…..in short, each and everything in my house has a specific place which is NOT to be altered without my permission….EVER!
    Yes, that is ME. That is my OCD level…UP there..quite like the character from the movie, Sleeping with the enemy. Now I realise why the film was named Sleeping with the enemy! I have been sleeping, eating, living with THIS enemy for so many years now. And let me tell you, it definitely IS the enemy that resides inside my head and makes me do things again and again and go crazy at the first sight of any disarray in my kingdom….er, should I say queendom?!
    And now, with the monsoon here, life is one never ending roller coaster ride! Wet floor, wet bathroom tiles, wet foot wear, wet clothes, wet hands, wet water…..ohh, I AM going crazy! Wet WATER?!!! I wash my hands and dry them, then wash them and dry them again…to stay free of germs. And how I dread opening doors…I will have to touch the doorknob and the handle which has been touched by people with god-knows how unclean hands!
    Believe me, all of this drives me crazy….totally insane. And try as I might, I am unable to bring an iota of change in my outlook towards the (unclean) world around me. That is the reason I am writing this post today. I just want to know if I have company or if I am all alone, battling this unnerving nuisance of a problem that is OCD. I can actually feel a tornado inside my head….what do I do about it?Now, please do not tell me I need help. No, I don’t. All i need is company….knowledge that there is someone out there sailing in the same boat but, still has maintained his/her sanity. I know there are countless poor souls suffering from a much worse form of OCD and my heart goes out to them. But, right now, I need to know who in my circle of friends/relatives/fellow bloggers is going through the same dilemma as I ..
      To clean or  not…that is the question. To put things in order, or leave them messed up… that is the question.  To arrange stuff, or leave it strewn haphazardly…that is the question. To wash my hands for the twentieth time, or just use a hand sanitizer…that is the question!!
      Anybody out there?

Published by shilpagupte

Do you know the secret to living a happy life? Eat. Pray. Love. Or, watch what you eat, wish well for all and fill your heart with love! That's precisely what I try to do through my blogs: 'Metanoia', the wellness blogazine, and 'Fictionista', my blog for fiction and non-fiction. Welcome to my virtual homes!

3 thoughts on “Obsessively compulsive…

  1. nope no problems as such but I do call my husband a zillion times even if a) he is asleep b) busy c) network problem d) any other situation….
    I never dared to call this love, maybe its OCD.


  2. Loved it !!! am I glad I visited your blog and read this post? I am -because it is so nice to meet a fellow neatness 'freak'. I can so totally visualize the chairs, cushions, towels etc arranged just so. And you write so well- you are going to blaze a path, dear Shilpa:)


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