But, life is perfect. My job at the school, the kids, my colleagues. That’s my world. My life. My identity. The happiness, the satisfaction I get at the end of the day, is incomparable. Then, why do I feel an emptiness within? Why is there this ache, that refuses to leave me in peace? A longing, which gives me many a sleepless nights. What is it that I crave? Or, should it be ‘who is it that I long for’?
At times, the longing feels sweet, the ache reassuring; a proof that the heart still beats, in spite of the many failures in matters of the heart, my heart feels. And, at times, it is sheer hell, just going through the day, seeing happy faces all around, the love and togetherness in other lives. It’s a pain I find unbearable. Times, when I wish I could just cast away my dreams and desires, forsake this need and reach my Zen.
Will I ever reach my Zen, or will this struggle go on?