Will I?

                   The reclining chair in the patio looks appealing. I drag myself to it and just fall into its  ‘arms’; my tired limbs thank me.  My eyelids start drooping after the long and tiring day. Ah! Sheer bliss – this peace and quiet, the zephyr working its magic on my fatigued nerves, the fragrance of the white frangipani wafting along with it – what more could I ask for? Umm, maybe the company of a loved one, holding hands, talking into the sunset, forgetting the world and its botheration for a few moments of togetherness.  That would be perfect.
           But, life is perfect.  My job at the school, the kids, my colleagues. That’s my world. My life. My identity. The happiness, the satisfaction I get at the end of the day, is incomparable.  Then, why do I feel an emptiness within?  Why is there this ache, that refuses to leave me in peace? A longing, which gives me many a sleepless nights. What is it that I crave? Or, should it be ‘who is it that I long for’?
        At times, the longing feels sweet, the ache reassuring; a proof that the heart still beats, in spite of the many failures in matters of the heart, my heart feels. And, at times, it is sheer hell, just going through the day, seeing happy faces all around, the love and togetherness in other lives. It’s a pain I find unbearable. Times, when I wish I could just cast away my dreams and desires, forsake this need and reach my  Zen.
      Will I ever reach my Zen, or will this struggle go on?
       
           
              

3 Replies to “Will I?”

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