Because, you matter!

Day 4 of the 7 day blogging challenge  at Write Tribe.

      It took me a long while to realise this  rule . Of course, better late than never, but I feel, that had I known this ultimate fact of life, I would have been a lot happier and livelier!

                         No one is in charge of your happiness, except you!

       Don’t we always rely for our happiness on people? Don’t we hand over the reins of our happiness to people, who might or might not be able to fulfil our needs always? Yes, there will be many, who will argue that relying on children or spouses for  happiness is so natural; they are the most important part of our life! True, they are. But, doesn’t there come a point in life, when our people get involved in their own lives, their work, and we are left stranded at home, alone? The loneliness, the despair we then face drives us insane, doesn’t it?

    And, what do we do out of this desperation? We seek people, who, we think, will fill that gaping hole that was left behind by our loved ones. And, the cycle begins, all over again. Once the initial excitement fades off, those others, too, begin getting distant. And, where does that leave us?

    Recently, a dear friend of mine gave some very valuable piece of advice. He suggested I set up goals; goals to work on  my writing, perhaps. And then, work hard towards achieving those goals; labour tirelessly, with an enthusiasm I haven’t felt hitherto towards anything I have ever done. And then, the happiness that I will acquire when those goals have been achieved, will be so much more than the momentary joy that I acquired in the company of people.

   Well, it did set me thinking. Life as a homemaker can be lonely. Very very lonely. Most of the time, the mind is idle. The chores, the kids, the spouse occupy a large part of our mind, true, but, once our duties towards them are fulfilled, our mind goes into ‘idle mode’, which makes it the proverbial devil’s workshop. And, then it strays into areas, which we should ideally stay away from. Or, we begin losing our confidence, our morale takes a huge blow because of our negative self-image. And, finally, we lose ourselves into a whirlpool of hopelessness. Gathering our wits together is the toughest of all, for we are all by ourselves, fighting a battle that our families can hardly fathom.

   I consider myself lucky to have met this friend, who gave me such a precious advice, and that too, at a time when my morale was at an all time low. This 7 day blogging challenge is a result of that advice! I feel great when I survey my writing, read some wonderfully encouraging comments and realise that I am definitely getting better. My mind is busy thinking about the posts I need to work on, and the finesse that my writing could use. And, the happiness that I have been experiencing since some days now, well, it can’t be expressed in words!

    I haven’t felt so good about myself in a long time. Oh, I know, my confessions will garner all sorts of opinions about me, but, I find myself way past worrying about anything. Because, I am happy. Unconditionally happy! The loneliness now feels like a blessing; that is the time when I can work on myself! The mind is too busy to entertain any frightful thoughts. And, all of this in turn has changed my relationship not only with myself, but also with my people. My happiness, has been the sole reason I have been able to spread more happiness all around! Isn’t that great?

   If I had waited for someone to come over, put a smile on my face and make me feel loved and revered, I guess I would have only kept waiting! Who really has the time for anyone in today’s fast paced life? So, I believe, it has been a really good decision to take charge of my happiness. Expectations from others only lead to desperation and heart break. Lives only get ruined, you know?

   Therefore, take charge, be happy for what you are, for what you have achieved for yourself. Do not wait for someone to bring joy into your life; that is your responsibility, towards yourself, towards your people.

   Wear that  big smile with aplomb. YOU deserve it!

   

30 Replies to “Because, you matter!”

  1. Take a bow girl! This was really, really really inspiring! Sharing your thoughts so beautifully, simply and honestly is a big feat! Your writing is bold, insightful and best of all from the heart! I am glad you took the right step at this stage in your life….now no looking back, just keep marching with that lovely smile of yours 🙂

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  2. What a post Shilpa! Take a bow indeed!

    Yes, Einstein had said, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people.” Self improvement in any aspect is in our hands. And once that fills us with self confidence, it makes others want to keep us happy as well, because they see in us what we see in ourselves.

    Stay happy 🙂

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  3. The sincerity and honesty in your writeup is quite touching. We all go through similar phases of feeling low and discouraged, though reasons maybe different and our ways of finding back our way through such phases may also be different. It is good to hear that your friend's advice worked so well for you. Keep going, Shilpa! And happiness will surely follow 🙂

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  4. Wonderfully inspiring, Shilpa. Yes, it's easy to get lost in the mundane and start reaching out to all sorts of people, ending up with nothing to show for our time. I'm glad you're focussing on your writing – you do it so well!

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  5. I can so relate, Shilpa. I stayed at home for 6 years post marriage (had worked for 2 years prior to getting married), and only recently (last week) went to working full 40 hour week in a corporate environment.

    While days are crazy busy these days, the thing is – my days were fairly busy even when I stayed at home. Just that no one ever acknowledged that. Only work outside of home is considered work -by majority of the populace. Even if they give lip service to how important the contribution of the homemaker is, it is just that – lip service. Their actions reflected otherwise.

    I started blogging to “escape”, and incidentally found my happy place. It has made the last year so very enriching for me that I can't even begin to explain.

    So glad that you came across this friend when you needed him the most.

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  6. Yes, Subha, we are all sailing in the same boat! And, we have to do our best to stay afloat! SO, what better way than to write about it?
    Keep writing, Subha!
    Thank you for the visit! 🙂

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  7. Vishal, this post is because of you, because of your encouragement and your timely advice! Thanks so much, buddy! Will always remember the quote that made me look at life differently!

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  8. I can understand Shantala. All that you do for your family really doesn't count if you aren't “working”! I am so glad you found a job..it will help you feel better, and more appreciated, yes? Best wishes, dear!

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  9. I loved how honest you are in this post. The fact that you are able to bare all in this post means you are a lot happier and content than before. Hope you continue feeling so 🙂

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  10. Yes, Raj, I am definitely feeling better. Touch wood! And, I have no qualms about being honest. We are all sailing in the same boat, going through some or other challenge in our lives, aren't we?
    Thank you so much!

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  11. I'm going through a low phase myself actually. Been struggling for a while. And the truth is I don't have the guts yet to be as honest as you are about certain aspects of my life… and that makes me respect you more.

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  12. It is not about guts, Roshan. I don't have guts either, it's just that I feel none of us humans are without our flaws or stories that embarrass. It has been a long time since I have been going through a low phase myself, and I very much wanted to get out of it, once and for all.And, what better way than confess about it and promise to work on yourself on a public platform like a blog? And, thus these posts.
    I so wish you get the strength to come out of the low phase you are going through and turn a new leaf. I am no authority on the subject, but, it needs practice on a daily basis and a whole lot of positive self-talk. Talking it out to a close friend,and looking at things from a different perspective helps, too. I did it. And, I am sure so can you. Best wishes and hugs, doc! Just hang in there, it's all going to be fine…promise.

    Like

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