On the temporariness of life.

It’s not impermanence that makes us suffer.
What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not.

_Thich Nhat Hanh

How I wish this vibrant bloom would defy the impermanent nature of life!

It has been some time now since I have been on a learning spree, if I can call it that – spree, I mean. It really wasn’t what I wanted to do, but life seems to have had some plans up its sleeve, and it sprung those upon me when I wasn’t really looking forward to any major changes.

I lost the apple of my eyes – my pet, Chikoo. Not that I hadn’t known  all along that some day he would part ways with us. We all do. As if we have a say in matters of the universe!  So, as much as I have accepted that this is the nature of life – temporary – I am finding it difficult to deal with my loss.

Dealing with loss isn’t easy; how well we all know that! And, yet, we keep on moving ahead in life, wishing life was easier to deal with, loss was easier to deal with. Sadly, though, we really have no  choice but accept whatever fate has in store for us.  We lose people to death or to circumstances; at times, people simply drift away, like the ship that drifts away by the current of the sea waters leaving behind many a teary eyed souls waving their goodbyes to their ‘someones’ who may never ever return. Despite making promises of staying by each other’s sides forever and ever people move away, reinforcing the temporariness of everything in life.

Haven’t we known all along that nothing lasts forever, not even feelings, then why do we find it so painful to accept this bitter fact of life? There are some brave hearts out there, who accept it all with a smile – the changes that occur, the losses they suffer – all of it. I like to think that either they are superlatively courageous, or exceedingly stoic. I am not so sure if there are any degrees of stoicism, though, but this is what I feel about people who take it all on their chin.

And, here I am, unable to digest even the loss of  friends who decided to go their separate ways without so much as a goodbye! As much as  I am aware of this temporariness, I am still to come to terms with the fact that there are people  in my life who might just walk away from me some day; without caring to give me an explanation, or even bid me farewell! I am still to accept the fact that the life I live today might take a 360 degree turn and change like I have never ever imagined. And, that is what frightens me. It just scares the hell out of me! It’s really not the kind of language I use on my blog, but these words perfectly sum up my feelings!

This constant urge to change is the one characteristic feature of life that overwhelms me. How I wish things were a bit different, with only the unpleasantness undergoing the necessary change and the happiness staying intact…untouched! Life would be so happy happy…no? Now, I know what you will say: “if we don’t learn about sorrow, how will we value the happiness we are blessed with?” etc etc. But, I say, what’s the harm in fantasising? We have to get back to facing life in a moment or two, so until then, why not just go sailing on the ship of our dreams and wish life stayed a bed of roses?

I would have then had my Chikoo with me, always, always!

Sigh.

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Linking this post to #ChattyBlogs by @ Shanaya tales. Do visit and share some love.. 🙂



22 Replies to “On the temporariness of life.”

  1. “This too shall pass” as is the famous saying. 🙂

    If life were not continuously evolving, imagine how worthless it would have been. You bemoan the wilting flower because you once saw it bloom. Imagine if it were to remain a bud forever.

    Hoping that good times come quickly for you and you get a pause from your learning “spree” 😉

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  2. My sweetheart Shilpa! I can sense your loss…. sadness… yes, I would wish that too sometimes. When I lost my mum last year- it was unbelievable – so unfair, unjust it couldn't be true… I think we will never be the same again after a loss … it lives with us… biiiig hugs to you my dear friend

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  3. Hugs, Shilpa. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must feel at missing Chikoo. I always believe that Change is the only constant thing in life and if we learn to ride each wave that threatens to overwhelm us/drown us we are good. I hope you feel better soon. Take Care.

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  4. Hugs, dearie. I know nothing I say will make this easier, and all I can say is that choose strength and acceptance. But even as I write this, I know this is easier said than done.

    It's strange how we all know how fleeting this life on earth is, and yet very casually use the terms 'forever' and 'happily ever after'. Almost as if we refuse to acknowledge the reality. Or possibly it's making the best of the time we have, since that's all that is in our control.

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  5. Of course there's no harm in fantasising but aren't there other times when you are happy that nothing is forever ( like a toothache may be or a boss who is a PAIN? ) . It's ok to grieve and it's ok to worry about people leaving you ….

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  6. Sometimes, the loss of 'impermanence' gives you permanent loss, and it's really difficult to live (you have to, and you can't show your grief to everyone) with the loss. Time cannot heal every wound, sometimes, it just teaches you to live with it.

    Poignant post.

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  7. How beautifully you explain things, Pawan! Loved your point of view. I too know and understand how important change is to life, it's just that sometimes the mind goes into the 'dil hai ki maanta nahi' mode! 🙂

    Thank you so much for your lovely comment!

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  8. This is a tough one. I understand the conflict in terms of the acceptance that life and almost everything within it is temporary. Yet, knowing that, and knowing that change, death, transitions are all part of life doesn't make it any easier to process and hold. I hope your learning spree continues and you continue to enlighten us as well. Big hugs to you!

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  9. I wouldnt define it as stoicism or resignation but rather a strength to keep moving forward, no matter what!
    I hear you about these ppl walking in and out of our life without a goodbye – been there, done that so many times now that I now cringe when I hear that someone wants to be friends!! My first thought goes out to ” it wont last, so whats the point?”
    A big big hug for Chikoo – I know what the loss of a pet does to you, I still havent gone back to keeping one again since my first left us two decades ago!!! Thats how much I am still holding onto it!!
    Cherish the memories to go forward is my mantra; letting go of the anger and stop blaming myself for it!! Thats my two bits for handling change.
    Cheers

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  10. Yes, DA. I, too, believe that change is the only constant and of utmost necessity for us to be able to survive in this world. It's just some times when the heart is too sad to accept these facts of life that I feel low. I will be fine soon…promise! 🙂 ❤

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  11. True, Shan..I feel that we ought to banish these words, 'forever' and 'everafter' from our dictionary! How contradictory they are to what life actually is!
    Thank you so much, sweetie! ❤

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  12. You know, Sunita, hubby got Chikoo home when after we realised that we couldn't even consider having a child of our own. So, Chikoo has been the son I never had. And, although he was my baby, it was I who had come to depend on him so much. And, now that he isn't here for me, I feel lost at times. I am coming to terms with it and accepting that this is how life is, but at tines when I feel low, such words come out pouring from my heart!
    I sure am glad that nothing in life is constant – how we need that change to be able to survive in life! It's only sometimes, when I feel low, that I wish the good times would last forever, and the bad times would go by quickly!

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  13. Sanch, I am glad that nothing in life is constant, and that everything here is impermanent. Yet, some times, when I feel an overwhelming sorrow bringing me down, I start hoping that the good times stayed forever and ever!
    I will overcome this pain, too…it will take a bit of a time, but I will be fine!

    Thank you so much! Hugs! ❤

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  14. Me, too, Shalz.I, too, cringe when people come close..I have built a wall around myself and hardly allow anyone a peek inside!
    Yes, losing Chikoo has been tough, dealing with his loss has been painful, but I will get over it in some time. Getting over it does sound a bit harsh, but I am only trying to strengthen myself as it's a long road ahead, which is going to be without my baby!

    Thank you so much, dear! ❤

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  15. Big hugs as always, Shilpa. Grief, I've told you my thoughts on this, so I won't repeat them here. Know that, as far as we are concerned, you have a friend for life. I'll never leave. This, I promise you.

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  16. The ones that leave you are not fit to really have the love you share, That is what I think and have been following. I give everything to people and when I know they are not worth I leave completely Shilpa. I somehow have this detached feeling which saves a lot of heartache.

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  17. Menaka, you are lucky to have the detached feeling. Your heart is in safe hands! I need to learn to do it, too. That way I will save myself a lot of unnecessary heartache and live a peaceful life!

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