Posted on by writershilpa

When the Blues strike.

The dreaded feeling of worthlessness creeps in, unannounced.

One day you are bursting with excitement for all that you have planned for yourself; your self-confidence at its peak. You are convinced of being on the right track; you know you can make it! So what if you have been a tad late in joining the race? You will definitely reach the finishing line soon! You feel the energy permeate  your entire being.

And, just when you begin looking forward to the bright future you envisioned for yourself, your inner voice nudges you. “Do you really think you have it in you to achieve it all?” it asks, sarcasm dripping through every word.

It shakes you to the core leaving you unsettled.  Where did that come from? you wonder.  Whose voice is it, anyway?

It taunts you for the foresight you think you have been gifted, and sniggers at the confidence you feel within.

“Do you really think you can make it? You are in your 40s, for heaven’s sake! You should have “made it”  long ago, you slow coach!” it jeers. And, before you know it, there’s a torrent of such jibes that stop at nothing.

You strive to ignore that voice, those taunts, and hold on tight to the wisdom about  positivity you soak in all the time. But to no avail.

The hopelessness seems to have taken over you so much so, you find yourself fighting to breathe.

Where did all that positivity vanish? What happened to your self-confidence that was urging you to just go for your dreams? You grope in the dark for a  way out of this abyss. But, sadly, you find none.

You flail to keep yourself from getting drowned. But, your anguish pulls you down with it.

It  doesn’t take the despondency long to overtake you completely, leaving you with a broken heart and shattered dreams. It slowly dawns on you how naive you were, grasping at straws, hoping against hope of carving out a name for yourself.

How did you even imagine you could achieve what you couldn’t all these years? How could you be so stupid not to notice your worthlessness?

And, the downward spiral begins.

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Ironical, isn’t it, this being an inspirational-motivational blog? But, sometimes you need to  give voice to those feelings of hopelessness that threaten to disturb your peace of mind. And, who better than your blog to pour out your feelings to?

I hope I can fight my way out of this soon!

 

Battling the blues.

43 Replies to “When the Blues strike.”

  1. Oh dear, I know exactly what you are talking about, Shilpa. One moment all is well, and the next it all changes to the worst. I have no idea why it happens. I have no clue how to stop from falling into this pit. I was writing a similar post to publish over this weekend but half way through I got so upset that I couldn’t even finish it. My problem is I have no one to talk to to get this off my chest. I mostly sought my blogger friends help to talk through my down spiraling thoughts, but I stopped myself from doing so this time around as I felt I’m burdening them. All I can say is we all go through such phases, Shilpa. Talking and writing about it is the best solution. I haven’t been writing either. I should take my own advice, right? 😉 Ping me anytime, Shilpa. You have been doing great. Lately your posts were really extraordinary. I mean it. You are one of those people who I look up to. Hugs. ❤️

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    1. Vinitha, just today I was talking to Esha, and she too expressed feeling similar emotions, about worthlessness, about not having achieved anything. At times, I wonder, is it something to do with our age? All of us who are going through this phase are in our 40s. And, we have been homemakers, caregivers to the sick and the aged. And, when we look around us, we see our peers working, earning, and way ahead of us. I know there is no such thing as a race. But, when we realise we haven’t been bringing to the table anything ‘worthwhile’, we start feeling all these things.
      Doing our best to concentrate on our life and finding happiness in all that we do, is the best thing to do, I feel. And, yes, not comparing our journey with that of the others.

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      1. I don’t know if it has anything to do with our age or gender or relationship status or work status, Shilpa. I am 34 and I have been feeling these phases of lows every now and then. I don’t know if my working-outside-the-house friends also feel similar way at times. Maybe, we are to experience these feelings and come out of it stronger and to share our story with the world for the benefit of those of us who hesitate to realize and acknowledge when they go through such lows. I understand this comparison trap, I always compare unknowingly, not on the writing side, but with my peers who I studied and worked with. Especially, my husband. We both were classmates and joined to our respective jobs on the same day. I quit 2 years later to join him in the US and now he is doing important work even after coming home. I am jealous of him, just like I am jealous of my other working friends. We all started together and I am still standing here midway, left alone. You know, I used to say that I would become the CEO of my company. Well, I still would like to think that I would become a CEO one day. Anyway, the truth is we are doing our worth, though we feel like we could do more. Maybe, it is time for a deep introspection and find out the whys and work on it. I hope to do so.
        Now, I must say, Shilpa, your writings are exemplary and inspiring. I admire you. Because of this post, I was able to publish mine after a break of one and a half months. So, to me, your worth is priceless. ❤

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      2. That’s just how I feel often, Vini. That everyone has raced ahead, and I am left here, at the fag end of it all, wondering what to do! So, after writing this post, I have consciously begun trying NOT to compare myself with the others. Their journey is different than mine. I will reach my goals when I am supposed to. I am taking one day at a time. I plan things for just the day and then work hard on fulfilling them, whatever they might be. Be it household chores, or my writing, or reading, or art. And, then at the end of the day, I check if I did it all and when I find that I did, I feel good. Grateful that I could do what I planned for the day. Tomorrow will take care of itself. And, life changes. Vini, we won’t always be where we are today. Just keep doing your best for the day, and do not think about the next day. Or about others. I am glad my post could inspire you to publish yours. Let’s encourage each other and cheer on each other and others like us.
        Cheers to you, sweetie, and tight hugs!
        Do keep writing.

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  2. Babe, first. Big hugs. This is impostor syndrome and it’s very frequent in the way it strikes artists, writers and other creative people. So you’re perfectly fine for feeling the way you do. My dad taught me something simple which my therapist reinforced : Don’t push the negative thoughts away. Doing so leads to suppression of emotion and that’s unhealthy. Rather let yourself feel it, for as long as you need to and slowly let the feeling dissipate. If you know the trigger for the feeling then work on slowly distancing yourself from it. Baby steps. You can do it. Hugs.

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    1. Thank you, Shy!
      Yes, I know I can do it. I know I have to distance myself from the triggers that bring on those feelings. It will take some time, but with time, I guess, and a lot of positive reinforcement, I will work my way through it all. And, learn to accept my life as it is, and appreciate myself and my achievements! 🙂

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      1. The trick is to not force yourself or use willpower, babe. That always fails 🙂 Do you know what works? Gentle withdrawal and diversion. So, everytime you get that feeling of inadequacy, gently feel it, push it aside and do something you enjoy. Do it every single day for 10 days. Notice the difference. It works 🙂 Will share a link over messenger to a video that helps.

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      2. Yes, Shy! But, at times, all my good sense forsakes me and I either succumb to that negative feeling, or try and fight against it.
        Will try doing as you suggested. I know it will help…just will need some time. 🙂
        Thanks so much, babe! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh! so well articulated Shilpa. It so resonates with each one of us. We all go through this phase in life very often. It may or may not be a syndrome that hits only creative people. It is probably normal for each one of us. After analyzing myself over the years, I have decided to just sit back and observe my thoughts, depressing, sad, angry, whatever it is that happens during this phase. It stops my mind in making flimsy excuses. At times keeping my laptop handy and pouring out those woes seems to help.

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    1. Yes, Sudha. Writing it all helps in relieving the stress to some extent. Following our own advice and shutting out the world and diverting the mind helps, too. But, not always. The only thing to remember through it all is, this too shall pass.

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  7. It is okay to feel despair. It happens to all of us if that is of any solace to you. I know there are times when random things make me nuts and sometimes for no reason altogether you feel small and meaningless. That is when I divert my mind, take a smallish break and rebuild my own trust in myself and my abilities. Hugs and hope you feel better and cheerful soon.

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  8. I hope when you read this tomorrow, you will realize how strong you have been to overcome all these voices. And you will not be afraid if this happens again. The voices in our heads can be cruel, let them talk and then take every action to quieten them.
    Love and A big hug from me 😊

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  9. Hugs, Shilpa. We all have these phases, but with time it passes and you begin to feel all happy and bright away. So, hold on to your strength and wait for the blues to pass. There are way too many colors in life to just be stuck with the blues.

    Lots of love and hope you feel better soon.

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  10. Oh, Shilpa! I wish I had something to say to you which could wipe off your worries right away. I read your comment on Esha’s blog a while ago and rushed here immediately. I have been there in the same space as you many times and writing consistently helps me get out of it everytime like you said it is therapeutic for you. Start by as Shailaja says about accepting negative thoughts and then talk to them one at a time. Addressing them one at a time, working upon them one at a time will grant them silence. Also, watch out for the trigger which gives power to negative voices in the head. Can you nip that trigger in the bud? Try and see. And call me up or message me, as you feel comfortable with, to talk about things.

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  12. Hugs, Shilpa! I totally get you. Been there far too many times. All I can say that we all go through such phases. We all have different coping mechanisms and you’ll need to figure out what works best for you.
    You’re doing very well, Shilpa. And, you’ll soon be out of this dark tunnel.

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    1. Yes, Uma. I know I will get out of it. I have gotten out of such phases so many times, I have lost count. It’s just that I lose my morale big time during such times and then it gets difficult trying to boost it!
      Thank you my dear girl!

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  13. I think this is beautiful, painful honesty. And very, very easy to identify with.

    My hope is that the act of writing about it is cathartic, and helps turn the scale in the opposite direction!

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  14. I know where you are. I think as writers we are even more prone to getting lost in despair because we are more sensitive in general. Having said that, giving voice to your feelings can help resolve them. I hope you can pull yourself out of the funk. I force myself to thank whatever greater power exists for all of my blessings or gifts. That usually helps.

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    1. I do that too. I begin my day with gratitude for all that I have been blessed with, and end my day by being thankful for everything that happened – good, or not-so-good. It gives me a different perspective to look at the things that are not going as I want.
      Thank you for your kind words! 🙂

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  15. I’m so sorry you are feeling this way, Shilpa, and I hope your self-confidence and excitement returns soon. Gentle concrit: I think this story would have been much more powerful if you’d written in in first person, instead of second person.

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  16. Shilpa, I’m very sorry you feel this way. And I’m also very familiar with these feelings, and I think you do a great job describing them. I do agree with Stacie above, but I also understand that sometimes it is easier to talk about our tough feelings in second person. Big hugs to you.

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  18. Unfortunately, this is a subject that we all grapple with at one time or another. It does help to give voice to it, especially in a safe place like your blog. I hope you are back to your usual cheerful self soon. ❤

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