The dreaded feeling of worthlessness creeps in, unannounced.
One day you are bursting with excitement for all that you have planned for yourself; your self-confidence at its peak. You are convinced of being on the right track; you know you can make it! So what if you have been a tad late in joining the race? You will definitely reach the finishing line soon! You feel the energy permeate your entire being.
And, just when you begin looking forward to the bright future you envisioned for yourself, your inner voice nudges you. “Do you really think you have it in you to achieve it all?” it asks, sarcasm dripping through every word.
It shakes you to the core leaving you unsettled. Where did that come from? you wonder. Whose voice is it, anyway?
It taunts you for the foresight you think you have been gifted, and sniggers at the confidence you feel within.
“Do you really think you can make it? You are in your 40s, for heaven’s sake! You should have “made it” long ago, you slow coach!” it jeers. And, before you know it, there’s a torrent of such jibes that stop at nothing.
You strive to ignore that voice, those taunts, and hold on tight to the wisdom about positivity you soak in all the time. But to no avail.
The hopelessness seems to have taken over you so much so, you find yourself fighting to breathe.
Where did all that positivity vanish? What happened to your self-confidence that was urging you to just go for your dreams? You grope in the dark for a way out of this abyss. But, sadly, you find none.
You flail to keep yourself from getting drowned. But, your anguish pulls you down with it.
It doesn’t take the despondency long to overtake you completely, leaving you with a broken heart and shattered dreams. It slowly dawns on you how naive you were, grasping at straws, hoping against hope of carving out a name for yourself.
How did you even imagine you could achieve what you couldn’t all these years? How could you be so stupid not to notice your worthlessness?
And, the downward spiral begins.
Ironical, isn’t it, this being an inspirational-motivational blog? But, sometimes you need to give voice to those feelings of hopelessness that threaten to disturb your peace of mind. And, who better than your blog to pour out your feelings to?
I hope I can fight my way out of this soon!