Can you spend time alone?

Well, can you? Or, do the walls of your house seem to close in on you, leaving you feeling stifled? Or, do you find it absolutely thrilling being on your own?

If it’s the latter, well, you are, indeed, lucky! You can survive very well on your own. You can take pretty good care of yourself and your emotional needs. In fact, you can consider yourself emotionally independent!

However, if it’s the former, then, you so need to work on yourself, sweetie! Consider this a loner’s verdict, if you may, but, take it from me that it is the number one bitter fact of life that:

Everyone leaves. So, you need to learn to survive alone!

“Of course, our friends will be there with us”, some of you might argue. But, will they, really? They have lives to live, battles to fight, issues to solve. They will have time constraints; some will move to another city; and some others will drift away. Life comes in the way, you see! And, even if your friends do stay, will they be there for you, always? As in, every time you need them? As much as they would want to, they won’t be able to.

So, what will you do in such a scenario?

“Well, our partner will be there for us, and so will our kids!” I can almost hear some of you assert, vociferously. But, do they really stay for you, precisely when you are desperate for someone to just sit by your side and offer their quiet company? They don’t! After a point, they lose patience. What do you do then?

Shall I tell you?

You learn to get used to your own company. It is really not that easy, believe me. But, it isn’t impossible, either. Ahem, all this gyaan comes from experience, by the way. So, I know what I am saying.

So, learn to enjoy your own company.

If you feel suffocated indoors, step outdoors. Go for a walk. Better still, take yourself out on a date! I have done it, and trust me, it was the best date of my life! I dressed up, went to a mall, lazed around in a bookstore, indulged in some window-shopping, had lunch and desserts and simply sat on a bench in the mall, watching life around me. Observing people, wondering about their lives, trying to guess their stories from what I saw. And, after a few hours, when I returned home, I felt refreshed!

My next on the to-do list is to go watch a movie, alone.

And, the next is, to travel alone.

Apart from these activities, you could develop a hobby or, maybe, find a job–something that you had pushed aside all these years. And, whatever it may be, make sure you stay occupied, so much so, that you find not a single moment to wallow in self-pity or pamper your, “I feel so lonely!” mindset.

Just do not encourage these negative feelings, for they ruin your mental space, leaving you completely broken and dejected. And, that is not a very good feeling.

I am just glad I had my Chikoo, my blog, my art and books and now I have my winged babies–Cookie-Bholu-Chikki–to keep me occupied in between my busy schedule. I also found myself a job, where I can work from home. And, it feels fantastic! Touchwood.

But, I will be honest. This horrid I-am-lonely-and-miserable feeling does spring upon me, sometimes, catching me unawares. But, I push it out of my mind. It is akin to moving mountains, but, you gotta do what you gotta do, lest you lose your mind! Then, I replace those depressing thoughts with some good thoughts, like, what post to write, what do I do about my artwork, or read a good book, or watch a movie.

It won’t be an easy journey, this dealing with loneliness. But, all it needs is to get pally with yourself. Love yourself, trust in yourself and your judgements and believe that you are no longer scared of being alone. If people do join you, good, and if they don’t, fine, as well!

Work on becoming independent–EMOTIONALLY INDEPENDENT–and you won’t need a person by your side, ever. Okay, sometimes you will, but you will also manage pretty well if you don’t find anyone there.

Wish you the best!

Love,

SHILPA…

P.S.

If you have had the worst experience being alone, if you dread those moments of solitude, talk things out, seek help, but don’t keep to yourself.

Take care,

SHILPA..

I am taking my Alexa Rank to the next level with Blogchatter.

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Learn to enjoy your own company

 

40 Replies to “Can you spend time alone?”

    1. Yes, Sunita,
      As for me, most of the times, I prefer being alone, but sometimes when under stress of some sort, I feel the need for company, not that I find it. But, I do crave adult human company sometimes. I am learning to let go of this craving, though. πŸ™‚

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    1. Haha! I can understand, Sonia. With little ones around, it must be difficult to squeeze some time for yourself. I have heard mothers saying that they don’t even find five minutes of peace in the bathroom! πŸ˜› Their kiddos wait at the door for their hasty exit!

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  1. I wrote a post last year on the difference between loneliness and being alone. You can feel lonely even when around people – loneliness is about feeling disconnected. I am very comfortable being alone — a bit too comfortable I think. But I have made a concerted effort to connect as well. I don’t have a partner or kids, I don’t have family where I live. I go to the beach alone and love it — it’s my time. I shop alone, have travelled alone, eaten alone, gone to pubs and concerts alone. It’s doable and it’s important to be comfortable doing this. But it’s when you start feeling disconnected, that’s when it can lead to problems like depression. Happy to chat about this further via DM if you like πŸ™‚ Also, none of this means I don’t have moments where I do feel lonely but ironically, the loneliest I felt was back in 2016 and early 2017 when I was engaged and in a relationship

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    1. Hey, Sanch….I am being so late in replying to this message..! Apologies! ❀
      I feel worst when we are with someone who make us feel lonely despite being in their company. We could as well enjoy being by ourselves!
      Yes. There is that difference between being alone and being lonely. At times I love being alone, esp. when I have to write or draw and need some peace and quiet. But, there was a time some time ago, when I craved company and didn't have it. The stress of all that happened a few months back wouldn't leave me and had made me panicky. Those days, the house felt too quiet and I hated it. It took quite some time to get used to the fact that I need to learn to care for myself at such moments instead of seeking people. But, I am glad it happened, as now I can take are of myself, understand what I am feeling and how to work around those feelings.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I think whether you can be happy alone or not depends a lot on your mindset. When I’m at peace with myself I find I can spend days on end by myself and not even notice it. It’s when I’m stressed or anxious that being alone seems terrifying and that’s when I need friends. However, most friends are temporary and I say so from experience. They may not be available right when we need them, so like you said finding comfort in your own company is important. That’s the zen state I aspire to. I’ve started going out alone – sitting with a book at a coffee shop and have learnt to get comfortable with that. Watching a film alone is high up on my wish list. One day I shall.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. From all that happened in the past, Tulika, I have learnt that we are our best support systems, our best friends and confidants. Friends might not be always there for us, so it is much better if we learn to do all those things by ourselves for which we need others. Having said that, the need for people will be there, but I just want to learn to be stronger.
      For me, too, watching a movie alone is on the top of my To-Do list. The day I achieve that goal, I am definitely going to give myself an award! πŸ˜›

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  3. This is my favourite subject. You know it very well that I lived alone with son for 2 and a half years, initially without friends or family or relatives for more than a year and I was very happy in that phase of life. I was alone but not lonely. I worked on my mind, deviated it from negative thinking pattern by blogging, writing and reading. I used to love the silence in the house and concentrating on writing. I can’t write without silence or with a person present within close proximity within the house. My mind needs expansive space. And the lack of all this is what I have been battling in the present phase. The viscious circle is no writing leads me into depression which makes it impossible to resort to writing.
    Today, I am happy for writing. If not posts then atleast comments. Shilpa, I would like you to read my latest post on the blog which I wrote last week.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, my dear, Anu! Apologies for the late reply..The work, the Alexa campaign and what-not kept me too busy to remember I had comments to reply to!

      Yes, I know how life has suddenly changed for you. I can only imagine what a tough time you must be having, trying to grapple with this situation. I truly hope you find your space soon.

      It can get claustrophobic for me if there are people around when I am writing or reading. At times, it can get too stuffy having anyone around. I do wish, at times, that there was someone around during times of stress. It used to happen a lot some time back. Now, though, life is changing and I am coming to terms with the quiet that surrounds me mostly. I am learning to revel in this peace and quiet, however much it tends to get deafening at times.

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    1. True, Damayanti….a little interaction doesn’t hurt. I too love my space, my company when I am busy doing things that don’t need any company. At time, though, I yearn for company. I feel I will be lucky if I am able to overcome that yearning, coz people are not always going to be there for me!:)

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  4. Oh I could so relate to this post.
    I go out on dates alone, movies and travel too. I am alone but not lonely is what I tell most people who ask me how do I manage? dont I feel scared? I tell them the exact same thing – one day everyone will leave and you will have to fend for yourself.
    I love spending time with me as I am not demanding at all πŸ˜‰ To quote from Jab We Met – I am my favourite – ha ha ha!!!
    Well expressed post Shilpz – hope some of the single brigade do give this a read and learn from it!! Cheers

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shalz, when it comes to people spending time alone, you and Balaka are my idols. You travel alone, live alone and come across as one brave woman. Balaka goes out for movies alone, also travels alone ….you guys make me want to push myself out of the bubble of fear I live in and learn to explore the world and test my guts!
      And, yes, just like you, I am my favourite, too! ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I love my own company and can spends hours and days doing what i like doing…creating things, reading,writing, art….no doubt about it. But i am still working on going out to a movie, or a restaurant alone…Travelling alone is a terrifying prospect for me. I guess practicing these would help me ease into it. Thanks for such a beautiful post Shilpa. Loved reading it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Kalpana!
      Apologies for the late reply…<3
      I too find going out for a movie or travelling alone a bit scary. But, if and when I am able to get over these fears and actually enjoy these moments with myself in the theatre or travelling alone, I will be the happiest person in my world!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I have been doing things on my own/ by myself for as long as I can remember.. I get excited at the thought of being alone, travelling alone or doing anything on my own for that matter… I love being with me 😁 and I have not felt lonely even for a second…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. True, Corinne. And, it also teaches us so much about ourselves. This being alone has taught me that it is better I learn to become emotionally independent instead of seek people. Every one out there has a life and I can’t be expecting them to leave their work aside and come, rescue me. I need to rescue myself! πŸ™‚

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  7. This is an eye-opener of a post, Shilpa. I guess it is the difference between loneliness and solitude. I enjoy being with family and friends, but I have realised that I have no problem spending time with myself as well. Thanks for sharing this thought-provoking post.
    #DeepTiesReads #MyFriendAlexa

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Being confortable in one’s own company is very important. I go by this line you came alone and will go alone, so why are we afraid of solitude. I like people but crave solitude more and more where I can be alone with my thoughts. A very good meaningful post Shilpa.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I am usually comfortable with my own company. Unless I am stressed or anxious, and something is weighing heavy on my mind. And then I usually need a sounding board a.k.a. my hubby.

    But more often than not, as the years pass, I am growing more emotionally independent. And I feel it’s something we must all strive for.

    That being said, I haven’t done any solo activities i.e. not taken myself on a date, no solo movie or travel. My idea of me time is curling up on the couch and reading a good book. But I feel like I should definitely try one of those other things too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Emotional independence is what i aim for, too. It makes us that much free from expectations and loneliness.
      I too enjoy my me time, but when stressed out, i need someone who knows me and understands me enough to just offer their quiet company. As i think about it, though, i feel i need to be free of that need, too! πŸ™‚

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