A letter to my anxiety.

A letter to my anxiety.

My dear Anxiety,

So weird that I call you “dear”, considering you have caused nothing but distress for years together. But, since you have been an old companion, I’ll be polite with you.

I did think that it would be easy getting rid of you, you know? With the help of therapy and my meds, I had started to feel so much better, as if a load had been lifted off my chest. But, as a dear friend pointed out, it isn’t easy getting rid of you, completely.

You still exist in my system. You hide in the shadows, like a bandit, waiting for the perfect chance to pounce on my mind and destroy all the peace. You are very very wicked…oh yes, you are!

Haven’t you had your fill feeding on my mind all these years? Why can’t you just let me be? Why do you have to rear your ugly head every now and then and tease and taunt me so? Is it your mode of entertainment?

I know you so well now. I can instinctively sense you approaching when my heart starts to beat in that peculiar manner and my breath gets shallow. The restlessness and the panic and all those horrid thoughts that suddenly appear and crowd my mind speak loud about your vile intentions.

But, I have had enough.

I have decided to work harder at getting over you and not cower in fear.

I know, you will always be loitering around, somewhere on the periphery. But, I am working on getting stronger by the day, and learn how to deal with you, rather, make good use of you to face the fears you scare me with.

Yes, I am working on using you to my advantage; making use of my anxiety to get over my anxiety!

Like, the other day, when hubby disclosed his plans for the next month. My instant reaction was PANIC, followed by fearful thoughts of every kind.

But, then, something clicked, and I thought to myself how I didn’t need to think about the moment that’s still to come. How, we can take precautions and be prepared for any untoward events that might take place. How, those untoward events I fear, might not even take place, after all, and, it’s all just YOU trying to put those fearful thoughts in my mind!

What a relief it was, I tell you! Not because of what I had realised about you and your evil ways, but about being able to find solutions to eventualities that might happen.

it was our Scouts and Guides motto, back in school:

“BE PREPARED”.

So, that’s what I am going to work on.

On being prepared for anything and everything that comes my way.

And, making good use of you in looking for a way out of a difficult situation I might find myself in.

All I need to do is, BE PREPARED and BE ALERT.

Ah… That does feel so good now!

Try as you might, dear Anxiety, but I am NOT going to allow you to win.

I am going to fight you till my last breath.

So, YOU be prepared, too!

Love ‘n’ luck

SHILPA…

 

Use your anxiety to your advantage. Face it boldly and do not cower in fear.

 

24 thoughts on “A letter to my anxiety.

  1. You have identified your problem (many refuse to accept it) and have taken concrete step to control it. Anxiety is starting to slowly hold my hand and walk along with me. I allow it t walk a few steps and leave it behind. Shilpa, you have addressed a very pertinent prob plaguing this generation.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a letter I can replicate with minor changes and serve my anxiety, a name I discovered a few months back for the issues in my head. What if I wasn’t diagnosed it then with GAD (General Anxiety Disorder), how would I have had carried along without knowing exactly what is bothering me? I have also recently realised I have lived with anxiety issues all my life. While I lived alone in Bangalore, I was able to manage it well. I lied low to just let it be and then it let me be when I had to work, do activities, chores and even big stuff. I managed because I didn’t have to answer to anyone why I was lying low and I did not have to stretch myself when I felt low. And because of this, I faced my brother’s marriage valiantly, dealt with the preparations and relatives (some dear ones, some not so dear ones and some wicked ones) and at the end of it even surprised my parents by the way I took care of stuff. I doubt if I can do all that now given my state of affairs at present. Yes, as you say, it is worth making our anxiety our friend because it can prove to be worst when we treat it as the enemy. I will, too, write a detailed letter to my anxiety as a peacemaking measure. Next Monday.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was only when my doctor told me it was GAD that I realised what had plagued me all those years when I was always on edge, frightened, panicky and worried every minute. It was so tiring–I was exhausted when I met my doctor. I am glad I approached him and sought the help I had been in need of all these years. Better late than never, I say now.
      I am glad you too realised the problem and are fighting to face it and live along with it, Anu.
      Hugs to you!

      Like

  3. the first step is always to identify and accept you have a problem. Anxiety is common in many people and everyone deals with it in different ways. Wishing you all the best – may you conquer this one.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I feel so proud of you for writing this, Shilpa! As a caregiver, anxiety must not be easy. I can imagine the toll it will be taking on you. I deal with anxiety from time to time and I know how hard it is. It must be twice as hard for you. But the very fact that you have decided to use it to fight it, hat’s off to you! I’m sure you’ll succeed and we all are here to cheer you!

    “Be Prepared” Ah, takes me back to my Scouts and Guides meetings. Strange that we learnt so much back then that only make sense now.

    Also, you are my hero for being strong through everything that life has thrown at you. I want you to know that. Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hugs Shilpa and I love your raw honesty that shines in your posts. As a person I am one who always plans for things meticulously but life gave me a big shock professionally when I realised that how much ever I may plan, I may fall flat on my face at times. I am learning to cope with things and take them in stride, telling myself God has something else in store for me. I could resonate with your post

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yes, Akshata. It is something I learned over last year. It’s no use making plans and then getting all anxious about things working out for us. it only leads to stress and then heartache when things don’t work out. It’s better if we allow the Universe to workout whatever that it decides for us.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve had fleeting experiences of anxiety too and I can imagine what you would be going through. However, I feel identifying it when it rears its ugly head gives you some amount of power in battling it with time. Hugs and feel good vibes from your twin sis. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You know Shilpa, this post has been open on my laptop since you published. I have been meaningto write but I couldn’t. Hugs. You know the first thing that you are doing right is looking anxiety in the face and telling it how it doesn’t matter. Be prepared and be alert – know it well and then face it.

    Liked by 1 person

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