Can you spend time alone?

Can you spend time alone?

Well, can you? Or, do the walls of your house seem to close in on you, leaving you feeling stifled? Or, do you find it absolutely thrilling being on your own?

If it’s the latter, well, you are, indeed, lucky! You can survive very well on your own. You can take pretty good care of yourself and your emotional needs. In fact, you can consider yourself emotionally independent!

However, if it’s the former, then, you so need to work on yourself, sweetie! Consider this a loner’s verdict, if you may, but, take it from me that it is the number one bitter fact of life that:

Everyone leaves. So, you need to learn to survive alone!

“Of course, our friends will be there with us”, some of you might argue. But, will they, really? They have lives to live, battles to fight, issues to solve. They will have time constraints; some will move to another city; and some others will drift away. Life comes in the way, you see! And, even if your friends do stay, will they be there for you, always? As in, every time you need them? As much as they would want to, they won’t be able to.

So, what will you do in such a scenario?

“Well, our partner will be there for us, and so will our kids!” I can almost hear some of you assert, vociferously. But, do they really stay for you, precisely when you are desperate for someone to just sit by your side and offer their quiet company? They don’t! After a point, they lose patience. What do you do then?

Shall I tell you?

You learn to get used to your own company. It is really not that easy, believe me. But, it isn’t impossible, either. Ahem, all this gyaan comes from experience, by the way. So, I know what I am saying.

So, learn to enjoy your own company.

If you feel suffocated indoors, step outdoors. Go for a walk. Better still, take yourself out on a date! I have done it, and trust me, it was the best date of my life! I dressed up, went to a mall, lazed around in a bookstore, indulged in some window-shopping, had lunch and desserts and simply sat on a bench in the mall, watching life around me. Observing people, wondering about their lives, trying to guess their stories from what I saw. And, after a few hours, when I returned home, I felt refreshed!

My next on the to-do list is to go watch a movie, alone.

And, the next is, to travel alone.

Apart from these activities, you could develop a hobby or, maybe, find a job–something that you had pushed aside all these years. And, whatever it may be, make sure you stay occupied, so much so, that you find not a single moment to wallow in self-pity or pamper your, “I feel so lonely!” mindset.

Just do not encourage these negative feelings, for they ruin your mental space, leaving you completely broken and dejected. And, that is not a very good feeling.

I am just glad I had my pet Chikoo, my blog, my art and books and now I have my winged babies–Cookie-Bholu-Chikki–to keep me occupied in between my busy schedule. I also found myself a job, where I can work from home. And, it feels fantastic! Touchwood.

But, I will be honest. This horrid I-am-lonely-and-miserable feeling does spring upon me, sometimes, catching me unawares. But, I push it out of my mind. It is akin to moving mountains, but, you gotta do what you gotta do, lest you lose your mind! Then, I replace those depressing thoughts with some good thoughts, like, what post to write, what do I do about my artwork, or read a good book, or watch a movie.

It won’t be an easy journey, this dealing with loneliness. But, all it needs is to get pally with yourself. Love yourself, trust in yourself and your judgements and believe that you are no longer scared of being alone. If people do join you, good, and if they don’t, fine, as well!

Work on becoming independent–EMOTIONALLY INDEPENDENT–and you won’t need a person by your side, ever. Okay, sometimes you will, but you will also manage pretty well if you don’t find anyone there.

Wish you the best!

Love,

SHILPA…

P.S.

If you have had the worst experience being alone, if you dread those moments of solitude, talk things out, seek help, but don’t keep to yourself.

Take care,

Love,

SHILPA..

 

 

can you spend

Life at 45.

Life at 45.

Last week, I celebrated my 45th birthday. It feels strange–this realisation that I completed 45 years, considering I don’t feel 45. In a few years’ time (if I happen to stick around that long) I will be 50! Find that hard to believe, too.

However, it does feel wonderful being 45, thanks to the maturity and the wisdom that come along with it! Going through the highs and lows of Life, learning from every pain, every wound through the years transforms us. It adds to our personality. A dear friend stated that she “Enjoys adding years!”

Well, so do I!

I thought of doing a post titled, ’45 things I learned at 45′, or something of the sort, but listing 45 things felt tedious. And, it would have made too long a list for anyone to read! So, I am just jotting down stuff that has started making sense to me; stuff that made me aware about Life and Her weird ways; stuff I need to learn about and inculcate in myself in order to stay sane through it all. No apologies for overusing the word, ‘stuff’.

1. That’s number one on my to-do list– BEING UNAPOLOGETIC. I realised that living the past so many years wondering if I was hurting sentiments, or living as per others’ expectations had gotten me nowhere, so it’s high time I changed! I need to speak what comes to my mind, irrespective of what others think. Not that I intend to hurt others’ feelings, but then, things staying bottled up hurts me more!

2. Shit happens. When you least expect it. And, the shitty phase can last for quite a while.

But, it all ends some day, for nothing is permanent. So, all you can–and should–do, is go with the flow, and never, ever, ask “WHY ME?” We never ask, “Why am I so happy?”, do we? Cliche, I know, but true!

3. Treasure people. Your tribe–the ones who rally around in your time of crisis, the ones who know something’s wrong just by looking into your eyes or from the tone of your voice and pull you out of the abyss you find yourself in–treasure them. They are your guardian angels. And, they are who make your Life beautiful.

And, please, please, share your troubles, your anxieties, your fears with them. Or, listen to what they have to say when they are in need. You never know what a patient ear and a shoulder to lean on can do. Well, it sure can save a Life!

4. Stop taking yourself for granted. YOU MATTER. Period. And, have faith in yourself. Remember that line from Tumhari Sulu– “Main kar sakti hai.”? You, too, can do it. Yes, you can!

5. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Everyone’s ageing, honey. That’s Life! The fine lines that increase by the day, the silver in the hair, the aches in the joints, the mood swings. All of it. This is the stuff that makes you human!

6..Remember one thing, and remember it always: You are beautiful inside out. For it’s what’s within that matters more and reflects on your face. Be proud of the fact that the face that peeps at you from the mirror is 100% genuine, not one that’s been “worked upon”, you get me? And, smile. It adds to your face value. Another cliche, eh?

7. It takes around 21 days to form a habit. Kick a bad one and find a new one to develop that will enrich your Life in some way.

8. Get off your butt, walk around. DO NOT sit for long. Take a short ‘walking’ break every 45 minutes.

9. Put the darn phone away. Spend lesser time on social media (read, virtual world), and more time in the real world to find true peace of mind. Unless you are a blogger, of course! 😛

10. Learn to enjoy your own company. As stifling as that may seem, at times, it’s better than depending upon others for your happiness.

That’s all for now. These are just some of the things I keep reminding myself to practice every day, to the best of my ability. I do forget stuff, but then, it comes with the ‘territory’ – I am perimenopausal!

If you’d you like to add to this list, go right ahead!

Love,

SHILPA…

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