Are you losing friends as you age? #writebravely

By “friends”, I don’t mean  friends  on Facebook with whom you haven’t had a “conversation” ever. Or your children’s friends’ parents who become a  part of your life thanks to the various ‘Parents groups’ one joins to keep oneself abreast of what’s happening in the lives of their tiny tots. Neither am I talking about the different friends who belong to different categories one allots them to.

By “friends”, I mean your real friends who form the  innermost circle – who know your past, your life, your fears and even your desires,  Friends,  who have been with you for some time now. Who have been privy to personal matters which you may have shared with them and eased your burden. Friends who, you felt, would always be a part of your life.

So, are you losing these special friends?

This morning, I heard one of my favourite songs:

Diye jaltey hain…phool khiltey hain…badi mushkil se magar duniya mein dost miltey hain.”  

It has played in my mind on the loop since then. I have always loved this song, right since the time I was in college when I heard it first. Back then, I had just one friend, and I would  dedicate this song to her when I hummed it in her presence. Thankfully, she is still with me. Will always be, hopefully!

I  have a few more friends who I am close to – have been close to since some years now. They know me inside out and I them. But, sadly, I feel the distance between us growing by the day. Although, I know, I just have to pick up the phone and blather on when in distress and they will be there to listen and make me feel better. But, there is this nagging feeling within me that tells me that, albeit slightly, our equation has changed. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe it’s all a figment of my overactive imagination, but, life does change, people do change, right?

Being an introvert, I have always had just a few friends. Few as in I can count them on the fingers of one hand. And, being a solitude-loving lonely soul, I don’t find the need to constantly hang out with my friends. Meeting them once in a while is enough. But, since some time now, I wonder why I feel them moving away…I find myself moving away, too.

Guess, Life must have gotten in the way, isn’t it?

Family, children, job, health, financial stress,  life…all of it gets in the way. Our changing perspectives about life get in the way! I don’t mean to sound melancholic or bitter,  but it’s something I have observed since sometime now. I am well aware of the fact that people come into our lives and move away and all  that, but friends are the ones who are supposed to stay always, isn’t it?

There are some friends I lost along the way, but  I will always cherish their memories, for sure.   For,  you don’t always come across a soul you vibe with instantaneously. You don’t always come across someone who reads your mind  and knows the exact words that will make you feel good about yourself, about your life!

We all lose friends as we age. As I said, Life happens. It takes time getting over them. It takes ages, actually, but you learn to live  without them.  Many a time, you hope they will return, you hope you will hear from them, which, of course doesn’t happen. What does happen is, we learn to live with ourselves -‘we’ –  our one constant friend till the end of time. We learn to take such eventualities in our stride, and make ourselves sturdier.

I wish I had known this fact earlier. I would have been better equipped to handle the heartache. But, I think the realisation had to come at an age when life begins making much more sense than it did earlier. The realisation that nothing is forever. That accepting life and moving on is the only solution to most of life’s miseries!

These are not outpourings  of a broken heart, it’s just something that has weighed on my mind since some time now and I needed to share it with my other constant friend – my blog! Maybe the fear of losing people makes me all jittery and my imagination goes on an overdrive!

 

Are you too losing friends as you age?

 

Linking this post to The Writetribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge.

#writebravely    #writetribeproblogger

Write Tribe

 

 

39 Replies to “Are you losing friends as you age? #writebravely”

  1. What a thought provoking post, Shilpa! So true about the friends. I, too, am an introvert and don’t have that many close friends. I enjoy my own company most of the time.

    When I was a military kid, losing friends was a common occurrence when I moved so often.

    Now that I’ve been in Ottawa for 30 years, I see that friends still drift away for whatever reason. Whatever you had in common is no longer relevant like a job or group you belonged to. Such is life! Or I was friends with parents of my kids when they were in sports or school.

    As you so wisely put it, we all lose friends over a lifetime and one day we will lose them all when death claims us, sadly. We must enjoy the moments along the way and cherish the few friends who stay with us through all the changes. I hope we will always be friends, even though we live far apart, Shilpa. I think of you as one of my good online friends.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Of course, we will be friends always, Cathy! You too are one of my closest online friends! So what if there’s such a vast distance between us?
      You are right…we all lose friends in life…And, we cherish the ones who we loved but who are no more a part of our lives..It is a sad reality, but we really can’t help it, can we? All we can do is cherish the ones who stay with us and remember the rest with fondness!

      Like

    1. You are so like my friend, who has just me in her friend circle and she says she does not need any more friends! 🙂 But, it is really better to be like you than make new friends and then lose them over time.
      Thank you for your comment, Dhanashree!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Aww hugs babe! I know what you mean and strangely, my post talks about a related concern: the growing distance between me and blogging friends. For one thing, it’s the lack of time and I do mean that literally. Impossible to keep in touch with 1500 friends! (Okay don’t roll your eyes at me!) But also that Life IS a bit too overwhelming once you grow older.I see Gy and I see the happiness, the carefree nature that comes with childhood and I miss that terribly on some days. How she fights and patches up immediately with friends. We find that tougher as we age. We have these huge things called egos and ‘maybe they don’t want us’ feeling that weighs on us. Sometimes, when I feel so, I do the crazy thing like calling up a friend out of the blue. One of those close friends whom I’ve known for 20 years and we just lapse into this easy, happy conversational tone. Like we just picked up from yesterday. So I think it’s a two-way street. We need to make the effort to stay connected. We have to choose those few relationships and invest in them emotionally. There is no other way.

    But a lovely post. And very wistfully written too 🙂

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    1. Yes, Shailaja..I think apart from Life, our egos too come in the way. Our mind conjures up all sorts of horrid ideas and then we shut the door on our friends who we think have left us far behind!
      You are right….we ourselves need to reach out, keep the relationship alive and make efforts to stay connected. But, at the same time, we need to also learn to accept the changes that are bound to take place in life.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Once, I wrote about it when a very close college chum got married but fortunately our bond has grown stronger over time. I can relate and such things can happen with us, where people flesh out their priorities but true friendship stands tall. Friendship has always been sacred to me and when the closest people drift apart, it hurts us the most. I am also an introvert and take my time to make friends with people but there are some special souls with whom I made friends in no time.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, we do lose friends. This is sad but true! If I look back, the people who were once close to me seem like strangers now. Life gets in the way. But one is lucky if they have that one friend who is always there!
    Loved reading your thoughts on this.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I used to be devastated earlier as I really give my all in a relationship; but life taught me the hard way that good ppl are rare and few; connection with them is even lesser!
    So I now stick to the adage People come into my life for a reason and for a season.
    I have lost such close and dear friends who were with me through terribly heartbreaking stuff in my life but chose to move on or away – guess life happened! I am grateful for them to be there in my life at that time and thank them from the bottom of my heart, bear them no ill will and have now just moved on!
    Only my truly closest friends are still there in my life and these have been in my life since childhood – so no worries of ever losing them to life and shit!!
    Dont be sad over ppl who walk on because their time in your life is simply over Shilpa!!! Newer ones will come along now! 🙂

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    1. I am working on it, Shalz, but it’s so darn difficult.. People coming for a reason and for a season into our lives – accepting this hard truth and moving on can be taxing for an emotional person, like me, but it has sure taught me so much! I have learnt to be independent – emotionally independent.Am learning every day!
      Thanks my dear!

      Like

  6. Great post and what you shared, feels like my life. I am also an introvert. Sometimes I have a hard time talking to VT. And I still have only 2 close friends. Both from sons ago. Made many and lost many. You know what? There is this analogy that I keep using over conversations and guess have written that somewhere on the blog too. Let me share that with you.
    Life is a set of rooms. Each room has a few people. Family, friends, cousins, acquaintances, peers etc. we keep moving from one room to the other and the people sometimes come with us to the next room and sometimes they stay back. Mostly spouse, close friends, siblings and parents keep moving with us in each room until death. And who are stay behind are those relationships that were cherished in that room or two but not beyond that. We just lose them. So it’s okay cos their span was only that much with us.
    Hugs, Shilpa! ❤️

    Like

    1. Wow! Parul, I loved that analogy! Yes, I agree..some people will stay back, but others will come along with you no matter how rough the road. The ones who left are supposed to be cherished for the lovely moments and memories we made with them. The rest who followed us – well, we are supposed to be grateful they are with us!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Ah Shilpa I identify with all that you said so much. I won’t exactly say I am an introvert but I am someone in middle – I always had a few selected friends but as life happened we all moved in different directions and what remains now is just a whatsApp group where they share pics of their kids. I have faces several heartaches by having expectations from people whom I thought were real friends but in hindsight I a, glad they are no longer a part of my life for they were never worthy. Blogging introduced me to so many virtual friends and a few have become dear ones- life happens and we must move along and save ourselves the heartache.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Saving ourselves from heartaches is what is most important..as well as not expecting anything from anyone. That will actually make you much more independent and suffer much less!
      Thank you for visiting, Akshata! And, thank you for sharing your feelings! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Shilpa, I have only a handful of friends and they all live in different parts of the country and the world but somehow we are always connected.We speak after ages but there is no awkward silence or accusatory tone, we just pick up from where we had left off last time we spoke 🙂 I love this comfortable feeling, touch wood. Acquaintances come and go. I talk to everybody in my social circle but speak only with my close friends, if you know what I mean 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know what you mean, Sulekha! You are blessed to have friends who, despite the distance, are close to you.
      I too have just a handful friends, who are there, but Life and her varied priorities take away our time together. That’s Life, isn’t it? 🙂

      Like

  9. I never had too many friends. Just a few and I am still in touch with them. But yes, life do comes in between. I see how busy they have got specially with young kids that sometimes even call is not possible. I miss the old times of hanging out and go shopping and eating. With age it becomes difficult to make friends too I feel.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Wow! Loved what you have shared here Shilpa. Being an introvert myself, can completely relate to what you have expressed here. I have only a few friends, literally people I can count on the fingers of one hand, and then they are scattered around the world, with not one of them I can actually meet in person 🙂 – but knowing that we are still on the same page helps, immensely. We can just start from where we left off – no matter if it is a gap of a few days or months! Wish everyone has such lasting friendships.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. True, Rashmi. It’s the same with me. The few friends I have are miles away from me..maybe the reason I can not meet them in person as often as I would like to makes me think we have drifted away!

      Like

  11. I have a ton of friends and many of them since my childhood. It’s strange because I’m quite a introvert at heart. Of course friends change or rather your interactions change – school friends are different from college friends who are different from bus stop friends …. you get the drift don’t you . Obviously some friends drop off along the way but that is only to be expected. We only have so many hours in a day and so many things to do so keeping in touch with each and everyone will be a tough thing to do!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Aw Shilpa. That was such a heartfelt post. We all do lose touch with friends but the good thing with close friends is that we can take up where we left off. Thanks to Facebook primarily, I feel the connection doesn’t snap as it used to before the age of social media so that’s something to be grateful for.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I agree! We lose friends as we age. We might not want that to happen but it does. I wish it wasn’t happening. I think that happens because we all change and not everyone changes with us. I actually wrote about that as well, if you’re interested. Anyways, good read and thanks for sharing! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I saw the link to this post in the FB group. At that time I couldn’t come to read it but I had to come back to read this one because I knew I will find myself and my thoughts here. I have to admit I do not have real friends, not any longer. I have accepted this truth and I am happy being on my own. I used to have 2 (somewhat like soul sisters) until a couple of years back but as it happened one of them moved away from me while I moved away from the second one. The introvert nature and the love of solitude are also the reason why I keep out people from my life.I have become wary of the word soul-sister too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have realised there are a couple of my friends who will be with me always (hopefully) and I am happy in the knowledge. But, life is uncertain. Secondly, my reclusive nature has me enjoying my own company much more and keeping people at an arm’s distance. There are moments when I so want to be with my friends, chat with them, spend hours with them. But such moments are few and far between. Maybe it’s just me being human, and my hormones driving me crazy. but, majority of the time, I would much rather be with myself, even go for a movie or to an art gallery by myself.
      In your comment, I could hear my own thoughts, Anamika. Our introvert nature is the reason we are the way we are. And, loving it, too! 🙂
      Thank you for pouring your heart out, Anamika! ❤
      Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

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