A feeling that has been a companion since so long now, I could very well put it up on a pedestal and bestow on it the title of ‘Best friend for life’!
We keep pursuing people, hoping they put us before themselves, are considerate towards our feelings, and make us their centre of attention, for life. How often we return disappointed!
We fail to remember that life changes, so do people and their priorities. Be they our friends, our partners, our children. Each of them has a life they would want to explore, try new garbs, shed the old ones.
Our partners may not forsake us for greener pastures, but once the novelty in the relationship fades away, the equation begins to undergo changes that often leave us feeling ignored, lonely, and frustrated.
Work, friends, hobbies become the focal point of either of the partners, making the other feel left out.
The realisation, that you come after the others, their friends, especially, can leave one feeling miserable. It may not be a conscious move, but that’s how life functions. And, the resultant heartbreak can be quite difficult to bear.
Looking after MIL and our pet Chikoo, and the absence of any friends to talk to had left me with no adult human interaction on a daily basis.
Believe me, that can cause havoc on your psyche. I mean, how much could I converse with my MIL – a patient of a mental illness, who was fighting her own demons? Or with Chikoo – a canine?
The loneliness that arose, drove me over the edge. I couldn’t be drawing, or writing, or reading or watching TV all day long, could I?
I needed someone to talk to, spend time with.
It was with time that I realised, that expecting anything from anybody, even from my partner, would only lead to disappointment and heartache. No person would be there for me, or with me, always.
WHY YOU SHOULD BECOME YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND:
I decided to befriend myself. Become my favourite companion. So much so, that people become redundant…for me! Sounds weird? Trust me, there is nothing as liberating and as joyful as spending time with yourself, with nary a need for another soul.
I also found the joys in going out on dates – with myself!
Believe me, these are the best dates you will ever go on! Refreshing, exciting and so calming.
Have you tried it? I urge you to do it if you haven’t.
Leave the kids with hubby for a day, or a few hours, and just go. Go wherever you wish to go, do whatever you wish to do, and then see for yourself how thrilling the experience can be!
There are some exciting things you could indulge in to deal with your loneliness once you are done brooding, because, honey, accept it – your guy/girl will have better things to do than be by your side when you want them to.
Why burden them with your expectations and why torture yourself with all the resulting bitterness? Learn to take care of yourself now, and you will never need another person during your low moments, aka ‘loneliness’.
So, here goes.
THINGS TO DO TO DRIVE AWAY YOUR LONELINESS:
1. If you feel like crying your heart out, just go ahead and CRY. Throw yourself a pity party. But, a word of caution here – DO NOT extend the party after an hour. You don’t need to empty your lachrymal glands! Save some for the future.
2. Call up your closest friends, or call them over for a heart-to-heart. Friends, who know you inside out, know the magic words that will drive away your blues!
3. Pour yourself a glass of wine, sit back and let it work its wonders on you. Put on some music (peppy numbers) at full volume and sing along at the top of your lungs! (I have been doing it for so long now..believe me, this is the best one on the list!).
Do not go overboard with the Wine. Stay within limits. And, if there’s no wine at home, reach for a fizzy drink!
4. Workout/go for a brisk walk, or a power walk for 45 minutes. The activity will not only help you sweat it out, but leave you feeling rejuvenated, and on top of the world! (This is the second-best).
5. Read a good book, or watch a good film. But, I would advise you to stay away from romantic films, precisely for the reason that these will make you feel melancholic.
6. Get into your cleaning gear – gloves, aprons etc – and clean the house! Nothing like scrubbing the bathroom, or the kitchen. The sparkling room at the end of it all will leave you with a sense of achievement like nothing else!
7. De-clutter: Another activity that is simply so satisfying. Get rid of the clutter from your wardrobe, your kitchen cabinets, delete old email…and in doing so, you unconsciously de-clutter your mental room, too, do you know that? Try it.
8. Cook your favourite recipe/bake a cake or cookies – only for yourself! Enjoy a good, hearty meal, with music, candles, what-have-you! Or, go eat out. All by yourself. Just do it and see for yourself! Let hubby/wifey babysit for a change!
9. Paint/draw/write…indulge in your favourite hobby. If the kids are at home, then play some kiddie music and join them for a dance. Dance like no one’s watching – the kids will love it and so will you! Plus, dancing is one of the best exercises…it raises your happiness hormones–endorphins, dopamine and serotonin.
10. Visit a park and relive your childhood days. An hour on the swings, the slide or the see-saw, or even the jungle-gym will bring back fond memories of your childhood and put an instant joy in your heart. How many years since you sat on a swing and swung to your heart’s content?
Actually, the possibilities are endless. All you need to do is spot them yourself and go berserk! Or, get as imaginative as you can. Your partner isn’t home anyway, so you might as well make hay while the sun shines! What say? It will only help you become emotionally independent, my dear!
How do you drive away your loneliness? Do share with me…I could do with some more tips on my list! I am a work in progress, you see!
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